One of the things I miss most about the South is southern politeness. Before I go into why though I need to define what I mean by that, which is simple: that you say hello to people when you can, yes, strangers, you hold the door for them, you pause to let them go first, you That you wait for them when they walk and you're in a car, that you respect them and treat them as people even if you don't like them at all. Even in fact if you thorough dislike them, you still treat them as if you liked them. 

Much gets made of politeness, it gets celebrated a lot, mostly by northern and westerners who think it's somehow quaint and charming. It's neither. It's it's much simpler than that. It's something that used to be called common decency, which you would extend to anyone. The anyone

anyone with whom you have an I-you relationship, that is, anyone you consider a "person". Rather than calling southern politeness charming and quaint, I would prefer to call it nothing at all and define northern and especially western behavior what it is -- coarse and rude -- but then, that wouldn't be very polite. 

Still one thing I've noticed in 7000 miles of travel is that the lack of respect, the lack the treating the world around you and what's in it as equals is a big part of the problems our country is having just now. When you deal with the world outside yourself you can essentially treat things as either "yous" or "its". That is as "persons" or as "objects". I'm borrowing those terms from philosopher Martin Buber because I think they work quite well, so long as you keep in mind that all dualities are concealing a third possibility.

There, in my experience, more people with more "yous" in their lives in the south and this part of why, despite the economic strife, racial hatreds, lack of caring from the rest of the nation, southerners remain a generally happier bunch with more differences among them then the rest of the country. That's not to say the south doesn't have terrible people or is somehow a paradise. It's flawed like everything else. It's a mess too, but the people in it have at least retain the ability to go about the daily lives with a certain grace, dignity and politeness that I find missing elsewhere.

One of the interesting outgrowths of this is that southern culture extends beyond it's borders. I can't tell you how many people have come up to us to talk because they saw our license plate. We've met Georgians, Carolinians, Louisannas, Alabamans and others who wanted to talk simply because we were also from the south, because they knew we would talk, because they knew we would treat them with respect, and perhaps because there is an unwritten understanding among those from the south that we must stick together in the face of the unkindness that has engulfed the rest.

Common Complaints

1) I don't know any "southerners", "westerners" or "northerners" I just know people. Sweeping generalizations fail to account for individuals.

Fair enough. I'm  not trying to criticize individuals, I'm talking about the culture of a place, which starts with individuals but becomes something bigger rather quickly. Interestingly I found the same sense of politeness and respect among culture we encountered in the small towns of Nevada and in the high desert at the edge of California. 

2) What about the midwest?

I've never been there for more than a few days at time, I have no knowledge of what the midwest is like.

2) The south is racist.

This country was founded on slavery, murder and genocide. Those us born into it will be struggling with and paying for that legacy forever. The idea that one part of this place is worse than the others is a fantasy of people who want to draw attention aware from their feelings and behavior. Everywhere in America is racist.