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| author | luxagraf <sng@luxagraf.net> | 2020-11-29 13:17:50 -0500 |
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| committer | luxagraf <sng@luxagraf.net> | 2020-11-29 13:17:50 -0500 |
| commit | 642b5821695f286c6e2510c45a33e16eec249d65 (patch) | |
| tree | 317f03ca88e34d5fd68514bcad406b89f7207d5e /reference/www.doctoryourself.com/humor.html | |
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| -rw-r--r-- | reference/www.doctoryourself.com/humor.html | 360 |
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diff --git a/reference/www.doctoryourself.com/humor.html b/reference/www.doctoryourself.com/humor.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b297852 --- /dev/null +++ b/reference/www.doctoryourself.com/humor.html @@ -0,0 +1,360 @@ +<html xmlns:v="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:vml" +xmlns:o="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" +xmlns:w="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:word" +xmlns="http://www.w3.org/TR/REC-html40"> + +<head> +<meta http-equiv=Content-Type content="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1"> +<meta name=ProgId content=Word.Document> +<meta name=Generator content="Microsoft Word 11"> +<meta name=Originator content="Microsoft Word 11"> +<link rel=File-List href="humor_files/filelist.xml"> +<link rel=Edit-Time-Data href="humor_files/editdata.mso"> +<!--[if !mso]> +<style> +v\:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);} +o\:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);} +w\:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);} +.shape {behavior:url(#default#VML);} +</style> +<![endif]--> +<title>DoctorYourself.com - Nutritional Humor, or Corn is Not Just for Eatin'</title> +<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> + <o:DocumentProperties> + <o:Author> </o:Author> + <o:Template>Normal</o:Template> + <o:LastAuthor> </o:LastAuthor> + <o:Revision>3</o:Revision> + <o:TotalTime>5</o:TotalTime> + <o:Created>2008-02-25T12:30:00Z</o:Created> + <o:LastSaved>2008-02-25T12:35:00Z</o:LastSaved> + <o:Pages>1</o:Pages> + <o:Words>723</o:Words> + <o:Characters>4126</o:Characters> + <o:Company> </o:Company> + <o:Lines>34</o:Lines> + <o:Paragraphs>9</o:Paragraphs> + <o:CharactersWithSpaces>4840</o:CharactersWithSpaces> + <o:Version>11.5606</o:Version> + </o:DocumentProperties> +</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> + <w:WordDocument> + <w:SpellingState>Clean</w:SpellingState> + <w:GrammarState>Clean</w:GrammarState> + <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> + <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> + <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> + <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> + <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> + </w:WordDocument> +</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> + <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="156"> + </w:LatentStyles> +</xml><![endif]--> +<style> +<!-- + /* Style Definitions */ + p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal + {mso-style-parent:""; + margin:0in; + margin-bottom:.0001pt; + mso-pagination:widow-orphan; + font-size:12.0pt; + font-family:"Times New Roman"; + mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} +p + {font-size:12.0pt; + font-family:"Times New Roman"; + mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} +span.grame + {mso-style-name:grame;} +span.SpellE + {mso-style-name:""; + mso-spl-e:yes;} +span.GramE + {mso-style-name:""; + mso-gram-e:yes;} +@page Section1 + {size:8.5in 11.0in; + margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; + mso-header-margin:.5in; + mso-footer-margin:.5in; + mso-paper-source:0;} +div.Section1 + {page:Section1;} +--> +</style> +<!--[if gte mso 10]> +<style> + /* Style Definitions */ + table.MsoNormalTable + {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; + mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; + mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; + mso-style-noshow:yes; + mso-style-parent:""; + mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; + mso-para-margin:0in; + mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; + mso-pagination:widow-orphan; + font-size:10.0pt; + font-family:"Times New Roman"; + mso-ansi-language:#0400; + mso-fareast-language:#0400; + mso-bidi-language:#0400;} +</style> +<![endif]--> +<meta name=Author content="Andrew W. Saul"> +<meta name=Description +content="How to make paint out of children's candy, the joys of taking vegetarian toddlers out in public, and one of the world's worst elephant jokes all on one page. From the DOCTOR YOURSELF NEWSLETTER."> +<meta name=KeyWords +content="alternative, health, humor, joke, vegetarian, kids, children, toddler, artificial, color, elephant"> +<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> + <o:shapedefaults v:ext="edit" spidmax="2050"/> +</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> + <o:shapelayout v:ext="edit"> + <o:idmap v:ext="edit" data="1"/> + </o:shapelayout></xml><![endif]--> + +<!-- ADD style1 ===================== --> +<style type="text/css"> +#TFlag +{ + float:right; + font-size:105%; + line-height:105%; + padding:.15 em; + margin:.15 em; +} +img.top +{ + vertical-align:text-top; +} +</style> +<!-- END ADD style1 ===================== --> + +</head> + +<body bgcolor=white background="images/architek0H.gif" lang=EN-US link=blue +vlink=blue style='tab-interval:.5in'> + +<!-- ADD TFlag ===================== --> +<span id ="TFlag"> + <a href="#translator_block"> + Click here to translate this page. + <img class="top" SRC="images/TranslateFlag.jpg" alt="translate gadget at page bottom" height=36> + </a> +</span> +<!-- END ADD TFlag ===================== --> + +<div class=Section1> + +<p class=MsoNormal> </p> + +<table class=MsoNormalTable border=0 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=0 + style='mso-cellspacing:0in;mso-padding-alt:0in 0in 0in 0in'> + <tr style='mso-yfti-irow:0;mso-yfti-firstrow:yes;mso-yfti-lastrow:yes'> + <td width=132 style='width:99.0pt;padding:0in 0in 0in 0in'> + <p class=MsoNormal><img width=117 height=105 id="_x0000_i1025" + src="images/logo1.GIF"></p> + </td> + <td width=16 style='width:12.0pt;padding:0in 0in 0in 0in'> + <p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p> + </td> + <td style='padding:0in 0in 0in 0in'> + <p class=MsoNormal><img width=365 height=60 id="_x0000_i1026" + src="images/dystitle2.JPG"><br> + <img width=365 height=20 id="_x0000_i1027" src="images/dysaut.JPG"></p> + </td> + <td style='padding:0in 0in 0in 0in'> + <p class=MsoNormal><b><span style='font-family:Arial'>On the Lighter Side</span></b></p> + </td> + </tr> +</table> + +<div class=MsoNormal align=center style='text-align:center'> + +<hr size=2 width="100%" align=center> + +</div> + +<table class=MsoNormalTable border=0 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=0 + style='mso-cellspacing:0in;mso-padding-alt:0in 0in 0in 0in'> + <tr style='mso-yfti-irow:0;mso-yfti-firstrow:yes'> + <td width=132 valign=top style='width:99.0pt;padding:0in 0in 0in 0in'> + <p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:red'>Lighten Up</span> <br> + <a href="index.html">Home</a></p> + </td> + <td width=18 style='width:13.5pt;padding:0in 0in 0in 0in'> + <p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p> + </td> + <td valign=top style='padding:0in 0in 0in 0in'> + <p class=MsoNormal><b><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>Yet + Another Reason to Become (More of) a Vegetarian: BECAUSE <span class=GramE>ITS</span> + FUN!</span></b><span style='font-size:11.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></p> + <p><span style='font-size:14.0pt;font-family:Arial'>I regularly took my + three-year-old son with me</span><span style='font-family:Arial'> </span><span + style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>when shopping at the local <span + class=GramE>supermarket . </span> We inevitably passed through the meat + department. My son pointed to the blood-red packages and loudly asked me, + "What's that Daddy?" I replied, much more quietly, "That is + meat." He then said, just as loudly as before, "We don't eat + meat, do we, Daddy!" He was correct, of course, and I told him so. + He smiled, and in a voice that could easily be heard in the Produce + department on the other side of the store, declared for all to hear: <i + style='mso-bidi-font-style:normal'>"We don't eat meat! We're not + Italian!"</i></span><i style='mso-bidi-font-style:normal'><span + style='font-size:11.0pt'> </span></i><span style='font-size:11.0pt'><o:p></o:p></span></p> + <p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>I think he meant to say, + "We're vegetarian," but I <span class=SpellE>kinda</span> like it + better his way.</span><span style='font-size:11.0pt'> <br> + <o:p></o:p></span></p> + <p><b><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>A SALUTE TO VALENTINES + DAY</span></b><span style='font-size:11.0pt'> <br> + </span><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>Those little candy + hearts with I LUV U and BE MINE on them have a special, super secret: they + make great children’s paints! I like to try this with kids: Have them + collect their candy hearts, especially the purple ones. Grind them up, + combine equal parts water and powdered candy, and stir. Get out a + model-sized paintbrush and white paper and have the children write their + names in food paint. It works all too well. Then ask the kids what + it does to their stomachs. Listen carefully to their answers and + insights.</span><span style='font-size:11.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></p> + <p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>But there’s + more! When I taught junior high, I wondered where the girls’ + rather weird colored hairdos came from. The girls '<span class=SpellE>fessed</span> + up: they dyed their hair with "<span class=SpellE>Kool</span> Aid."</span><span + style='font-size:11.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></p> + <p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>Not a new idea, it turns + out. In <i>The Wizard of Oz</i> movie, the animals used as the Horse of + a Different Color were colored, from fetlock to mane, with a mixture of + "Jell-O" powder.</span><span style='font-size:11.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></p> + <p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>In summation, I concede + that artificial colors are great for dying horses’ hair and painting + pictures. But I am not convinced that we should voluntarily EAT + paint. So read every label and vote with your dollars. Then send the only + message that carries any weight in the food industry: DO NOT PURCHASE ANY + FOOD THAT CONTAINS AN ARTIFICIAL FOOD COLOR.</span><span style='font-size: + 11.0pt'> <br> + <o:p></o:p></span></p> + <p><b><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>WORST ELEPHANT JOKE + EVER:</span></b><span style='font-size:11.0pt'> <br> + </span><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>It seems that this + elephant woke up one morning with a very stuffy nose. Now to an + elephant, a congested nose seems life threatening, so he gave away all his + possessions, made funeral arrangements, and then went to a naturopathic + doctor expecting to hear the worst. The doctor said, "Relax, you'll + get better in a few days." That goes to show that just because your + trunk is packed doesn't mean you're ready to go.</span><span + style='font-size:11.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></p> + <p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>(adapted from Peter <span + class=SpellE>Shickele</span>, <span class=SpellE>aka</span> PDQ Bach, in <i>The + Carnival of the Animals)</i></span><span style='font-size:11.0pt'> <br> + <o:p></o:p></span></p> + <p><b style='mso-bidi-font-weight:normal'><span style='font-size:10.0pt; + font-family:Arial'>Andrew Saul is the <span class=GramE><span class=grame>author + of the books <i>FIRE</i></span></span><i> YOUR DOCTOR!</i> How <i>to be + Independently Healthy </i>(reader reviews at<i> </i><a + href="http://www.doctoryourself.com/review.html">http://www.doctoryourself.com/review.html</a> + ) and <i>DOCTOR YOURSELF: Natural Healing that Works.</i> (reviewed at <a + href="http://www.doctoryourself.com/saulbooks.html">http://www.doctoryourself.com/saulbooks.html</a> + ) </span><o:p></o:p></b></p> + <p><b style='mso-bidi-font-weight:normal'><span style='font-size:10.0pt; + font-family:Arial'>For ordering information, <a + href="http://www.doctoryourself.com/order.html">Click Here</a></span> .<o:p></o:p></b></p> + <p> </p> + </td> + </tr> + <tr style='mso-yfti-irow:1'> + <td style='padding:0in 0in 0in 0in'> + <p class=MsoNormal align=center style='text-align:center'><a + href="contact.html"><span style='text-decoration:none;text-underline:none'><img + border=0 width=55 height=60 id="_x0000_i1029" src="images/e-mail.gif"></span></a><br> + <a href="contact.html">Andrew W. Saul</a></p> + </td> + <td style='padding:0in 0in 0in 0in'> + <p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p> + </td> + <td style='padding:0in 0in 0in 0in'> + <div class=MsoNormal align=center style='text-align:center'> + <hr size=2 width="100%" align=center> + </div> + <p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:7.5pt'>AN IMPORTANT NOTE: + This page is not in any way offered as prescription, diagnosis nor treatment + for any disease, illness, infirmity or physical condition. Any form of + self-treatment or alternative health program necessarily must involve an + individual's acceptance of some risk, and no one should assume + otherwise. Persons needing medical care should obtain it from a + physician. Consult your doctor before making any health decision. </span> + </p> + <p><span style='font-size:7.5pt'>Neither the author nor the webmaster has + authorized the use of their names or the use of any material contained within + in connection with the sale, promotion or advertising of any product or + apparatus. Single-copy reproduction for individual, non-commercial use is + permitted providing no alterations of content are made, and credit is given.</span> + </p> + <div class=MsoNormal align=center style='text-align:center'> + <hr size=2 width="100%" align=center> + </div> + <p class=MsoNormal></p> + </td> + </tr> + <tr style='mso-yfti-irow:2;mso-yfti-lastrow:yes'> + <td style='padding:0in 0in 0in 0in'> + <p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p> + </td> + <td style='padding:0in 0in 0in 0in'> + <p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p> + </td> + <td style='padding:0in 0in 0in 0in'> + <p class=MsoNormal align=center style='text-align:center'><span + style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial'>| <a + href="index.html">Home</a> | <a + href="order.html">Order my Books</a> | <a + href="aboutme.html">About the Author</a> | <a + href="contact.html">Contact Us</a> | <a + href="webmaster.html">Webmaster</a> |</span></p> + </td> + </tr> +</table> + +<p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p> + +</div> + + +<!-- ADD TBlock1 ===================== --> +<a name="translator_block"></a> +<br> +<div id="MicrosoftTranslatorWidget" style="width: 200px; min-height: 0px; border-color: #3A5770; background-color: #78ADD0;"> + <noscript> + <a href="http://www.microsofttranslator.com/bv.aspx?a=http%3a%2f%2fwww.doctoryourself.com%2f"> + Translate this page + </a> + <br /> + Powered by + <a href="http://www.microsofttranslator.com"> + Microsoft® Translator + </a> + </noscript> +</div> +<script type="text/javascript"> + /* <![CDATA[ */ + setTimeout(function() + { var s = document.createElement("script"); + s.type = "text/javascript"; s.charset = "UTF-8"; + s.src = "http://www.microsofttranslator.com/Ajax/V2/Widget.aspx?mode=manual&from=en&layout=ts"; + var p = document.getElementsByTagName('head')[0] || document.documentElement; + p.insertBefore(s, p.firstChild); }, 0); + /* ]]> */ +</script> +<br> +<!-- ===================== --> +<!-- Use this block only in a REPLACE statement : it contains extra characters ! --> +<!-- ===================== --> +<!-- Note: -must- "escape" the "</body>" in the s.src line on find-and-replace ===================== --> +<!-- END ADD TBlock1 ===================== --> + +</body> + +</html> |