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<p class=MsoNormal><b><span style='font-family:Arial'>Hate to Exercise as
Much as I Do?</span></b></p>
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<p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:red'>Exercise Phobia</span> <br>
<a href="index.html">Home</a></p>
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<p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p>
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<p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial;
mso-bidi-font-weight:bold'>My Life Evading Exercise</span><span
style='font-size:11.0pt'> <br>
</span><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>by Andrew Saul, PhD</span><span
style='font-size:11.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p><b style='mso-bidi-font-weight:normal'><span style='font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:Arial'>Organized nudity is responsible for it.</span></b><b
style='mso-bidi-font-weight:normal'><span style='font-size:11.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>When I was a little kid,
we boys all swam naked at the YMCA. The one exception was when moms and
sisters were invited for special events. Now after some 40 years, I
still remember the one kid who forgot it was Family Swim Night, and
innocently strolled out of the showers and into the pool room, and the only
suit he had on was his birthday suit. He did the fastest about-face I've ever
seen, and we never let him live it down.</span><span style='font-size:11.0pt'>
<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>What's more, we were
still swimming nude in boy's gym class when I graduated from <st1:place
w:st="on"><st1:PlaceName w:st="on">Charlotte</st1:PlaceName> <st1:PlaceName
w:st="on">High School</st1:PlaceName></st1:place> in 1970. Back dives
were especially revealing. I know this sounds a bit hard to believe, but it
was true: nude swimming was the rule all the way through grade 12 in the <st1:place
w:st="on"><st1:City w:st="on">Rochester</st1:City>, <st1:State w:st="on">NY</st1:State></st1:place>
Public Schools. In this near mirror-image of <i>The Emperor's New Clothes,</i>
only the gym teacher had shorts on. And, I am reliably <span class=GramE>informed,</span>
only the girls got to wear swimsuits in their gym classes.</span><span
style='font-size:11.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>But not us.</span><span
style='font-size:11.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>Of course we all showered
together as well. In a scene reminiscent of a juvenile prison movie, after
gym class we were absolutely compelled to shower. In the scant three
minutes given to us for the purpose, enough teen <span class=GramE>trauma</span>
was doubtless accumulated to last a lifetime. I mean, how do you cope
with such a situation? Everybody had to do it, so evidently we
managed. And we learned valuable skills in the process: one of my
acquaintances taught me how to get dressed without drying first.
Another showed me how to remove paint from the Army-green lockers using
"Right Guard" spray deodorant as a solvent. Still another kid
of the nerdy type was justifiably afraid his books would be swiped, so he
showered with his briefcase right next to his ankles.</span><span
style='font-size:11.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>Our drab high school
locker room had a colorful attendant, an elderly Scotsman best known for his
unique way of selling required sports accessories from the equipment cage.
When you heard the cry "Socks and jocks! Socks and jocks!" you knew
that "Scotty" was working his beat. (Could have been worse; I'll
bet in <st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Aberdeen</st1:place></st1:City>
he'd have been calling, "Kilts and cabers! Kilts and cabers!")</span><span
style='font-size:11.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>He died in the middle of
my junior year.</span><span style='font-size:11.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>It did not help that my
high-school gym teacher took a special dislike to me. I was about six-one and
weighed, maybe, 100 pounds. This guy, an obese ex-Marine, was also the
wrestling coach. He combined the only two marketable skills he possessed
into a unique method of selecting sparring teams: He'd line us up by height
and have us count off by twos. This meant, of course, that I inevitably
ended up with a 6 foot, one inch 220 pound varsity football lineman as my
wrestling "partner."</span><span style='font-size:11.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>I therefore developed the
fasted sit-out in the history of wrestling.</span><span style='font-size:
11.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>I guess it was the
ancient Greeks that seem to have been the original obsessive sports nudists.
Long before string bikinis or Spandex, they were quite literally parading
around <span class=SpellE>starkers</span>. These same exercise fanatics
that brought us the Olympics are surely to blame for <st1:Street w:st="on"><st1:address
w:st="on">Jack La Lane</st1:address></st1:Street>, Charles Atlas, and my
brothers. At least these three were decently attired (except, perhaps,
for Charles Atlas, but that was what sold his method in the comic books.)</span><span
style='font-size:11.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>Between the public
schools, the YMCA, and my brothers (and later my exercise-nut of a son), I
have therefore developed an enduring dislike of all things related to
sport. It's not that I haven't tried. I've successfully sat
through black-and-white TV wrestling, watching my grandfather cheer the
Gallagher Brothers. I've logged a few school homecoming games live, and
sat on the bleachers to watch <st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Rochester</st1:place></st1:City>'s
Red Wings minor league baseball team get clobbered repeatedly. I remember Cal
<span class=SpellE>Ripken</span> Jr. in one of his first games while the stadium
commentator wondered aloud if he'd ever amount to anything like his father.
It is true that the Wings got a lot better, but my memories are primarily
long before Earl Weaver managed them. I mean, I remember us cheering for
aging power hitter Luke Easter. (Remember him? </span><span style='font-size:
10.0pt;font-family:Arial'><a
href="http://www.baseball-almanac.com/minor-league/minor9.shtml">http://www.baseball-almanac.com/minor-league/minor9.shtml</a></span><span
style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'> )</span><span style='font-size:
11.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>So, like all the neighborhood
boys, I played ball all summer. I mean, that's what boys did. For
us, born and raised within smelling distance of the Eastman Kodak Company's
main plant, it was KPAA (Kodak Park Athletic Association) softball league. It
was free, you got a cool shirt, and if you won, you played "under the
lights" at the <st1:place w:st="on"><st1:PlaceName w:st="on">Kodak</st1:PlaceName>
<st1:PlaceType w:st="on">Park</st1:PlaceType></st1:place> field. That
field is now buried under a photographic processing building, but once it was
the scene of squashed mustard packets, hyper starry-eyed kids, and loud
camera-laden parents. My teams never got even remotely close to being in
the playoffs, but my brother's did. It figures.</span><span
style='font-size:11.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>For the first 15 years of
his life, my older brother was a round-shouldered, horn-rimmed
glasses-wearing, skinny little twerp. The he started working out in our
basement. Like a mushroom planted in the dark and forgotten, he grew out
of sight. Pretty soon he was a changed guy. Weight lifting had utterly
transformed him. Good diet, natural maturation, and contact lenses didn't <span
class=GramE>hurt,</span> but that Sears and Roebuck 20-dollar weight kit did
wonders.</span><span style='font-size:11.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>The secret, of course, is
that he spent the time using it.</span><span style='font-size:11.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>And that brings me to my
real point:</span><span style='font-size:11.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>You either talk about
doing it, or you do it. I do not like to exercise. But I like even less
having a pudgy belly, backaches, skinny arms, and no chest. That is why
I exercise. Of course you and I know it is good to exercise, in the same
way that smokers know it is good not to smoke. But knowledge is not
enough. You have to experience it.</span><span style='font-size:11.0pt'>
<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>My exercise hints? Thought
you'd never ask:</span><span style='font-size:11.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>1) Exercise for a really
honest reason: vanity.</span><span style='font-size:11.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>2) Exercise with a friend
(or relative, if you are desperate) who has the same goals you do. This is
very important, and may be essential, to stay on the wagon.</span><span
style='font-size:11.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>3) Exercise to
music. I recommend the Who, the Rolling Stones, good blues (I like
Clapton and B.B King), early Beatles and maybe a little <span class=SpellE>Badfinger</span>
for the rest of you eclectic ex-hippies.</span><span style='font-size:11.0pt'>
<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>4) Start small. I
began, at my son's insistence, with crunches. When I started, I thought
thirty was a lot.</span><span style='font-size:11.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>5) Work up. After
six years, I now can do 2,100 crunches in <span class=GramE>under</span> 50
minutes. I once saw a documentary about an Olympic athlete that did 3,000
crunches a day, in thirty minutes. She was about five feet tall and weighed
almost nothing, except for her muscles. That's my goal, then (no, not to be a
woman): 3,000 crunches.</span><span style='font-size:11.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>6) Invest as little money
as possible. A cheap exercise bike and a pair of dumbbells is a good
start. Maybe add a weight set and a bench. Check garage sales, for
a lot of people purchase this stuff, and that act constitutes their entire
exercise program: the buying of equipment. Consequently, you can outfit
your garage, attic, or basement for very little cash.</span><span
style='font-size:11.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>7) Better yet, keep it
all in your living room. If you see it, you will use it. Still
better, keep all your gear within a remote's distance of your TV. You
can watch the tube while you bike. You can kill an hour of brainless
network programming and bike miles in the process.</span><span
style='font-size:11.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>8) Keep a record. My
brother told me that you need to simply beat your own record to be a
winner. That's a pretty profound point. I would never have gotten
to 2100 crunches unless I'd wanted to beat 2,000, or 1,000, or 30.</span><span
style='font-size:11.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>9) Vary your
program. Although I am a crunch-<span class=SpellE>meister</span>, I
also use dumbbells for my arms and chest. I happen to already have
strong legs from childhood paper routes, chasing my brothers so I'd not be
left behind, biking everywhere as a teenager, and living at the top of a hill
in <st1:State w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Vermont</st1:place></st1:State>
as a car-less young man. So I don't use the bike as much as you might want
to. I also walk home with my groceries, and try for a four-mile walk along
the nearby <st1:place w:st="on">Erie Canal</st1:place> on alternate days to
my crunching. Again, take a friend, or a dog, for safety, companionship, and
mutual encouragement.</span><span style='font-size:11.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>10) Watch the cable
exercise channels, especially if you are a beginner. Seeing all those
supple, writhing bodies exercising with one great smile is stimulating.
Use Richard Simmons exercise tapes, Jane Fonda workout tapes, any workout
tapes that appeal to you. Personally, I think the porno industry should
come up for air for a minute, and make totally nude workout tapes.</span><span
style='font-size:11.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>And that brings us full
circle: it really is all about nudity. Especially how you, with your
clothes off, look in the mirror.</span><span style='font-size:11.0pt'> <br>
<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial'>Copyright C 2005 and
prior years Andrew W. Saul<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p><b style='mso-bidi-font-weight:normal'><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:Arial'>Andrew Saul is the <span class=GramE><span class=grame>author
of the books <i>FIRE</i></span></span><i> YOUR DOCTOR!</i> How <i>to be
Independently Healthy </i>(reader reviews at<i> </i><a
href="http://www.doctoryourself.com/review.html">http://www.doctoryourself.com/review.html</a>
) and <i>DOCTOR YOURSELF: Natural Healing that Works.</i> (reviewed at <a
href="http://www.doctoryourself.com/saulbooks.html">http://www.doctoryourself.com/saulbooks.html</a>
) </span><o:p></o:p></b></p>
<p><b style='mso-bidi-font-weight:normal'><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:Arial'>For ordering information, <a
href="http://www.doctoryourself.com/order.html">Click Here</a></span> .<o:p></o:p></b></p>
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<p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:7.5pt'>AN IMPORTANT NOTE:
This page is not in any way offered as prescription, diagnosis nor treatment
for any disease, illness, infirmity or physical condition. Any form of
self-treatment or alternative health program necessarily must involve an
individual's acceptance of some risk, and no one should assume
otherwise. Persons needing medical care should obtain it from a
physician. Consult your doctor before making any health decision. </span>
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<p><span style='font-size:7.5pt'>Neither the author nor the webmaster has
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