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<td style='padding:0in 0in 0in 0in'>
<p class=MsoNormal><b><span style='font-family:Arial'>How to Have Healthy
Relationships</span></b></p>
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<p class=MsoNormal><span style='color:red'>Relationship Health</span> <br>
<a href="index.html">Home</a></p>
</td>
<td width=18 style='width:13.5pt;padding:0in 0in 0in 0in'>
<p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p>
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<td valign=top style='padding:0in 0in 0in 0in'>
<p class=MsoNormal><b><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>RELATIONSHIPS
WITHOUT SUFFERING</span></b><span style='font-size:11.0pt'> <br>
</span><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>Copyright
C 2001 John I. Mosher, Ph.D</span><span style='font-size:11.0pt'> <br>
</span><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>Professor Emeritus,
State <st1:place w:st="on"><st1:PlaceType w:st="on">University</st1:PlaceType>
of <st1:PlaceName w:st="on">New York</st1:PlaceName></st1:place></span><span
style='font-size:11.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p><b><i><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>SUFFERING AND
ATTACHMENT</span></i></b><span style='font-size:11.0pt'> <br>
</span><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>Suffering arises from
attachment to desire. One example is the desire that things have to be
the way one thinks they ought to be.</span><span style='font-size:11.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>Suffering arises when one
is not living in the present: not being right here, right now. </span><span
style='font-size:11.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>When the mind-ego is in
charge it can wander in its thinking to the past and become angry or upset
about some event long gone. Or the thinking mind can worry about what
might be or might happen. In either case there is suffering because one
is not living in the present, the NOW, this minute.</span><span
style='font-size:11.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p><i style='mso-bidi-font-style:normal'><span style='font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:Arial'>Qualities of the Heart, the Spirit or Soul: </span></i><span
style='font-size:11.0pt'><span style='mso-spacerun:yes'> </span><br>
</span><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>Compassion</span><span
style='font-size:11.0pt'> <br>
</span><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>Selflessness</span><span
style='font-size:11.0pt'> <br>
</span><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>Tolerance</span><span
style='font-size:11.0pt'> <br>
</span><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>Equanimity</span><span
style='font-size:11.0pt'> <br>
</span><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>Fearlessness</span><span
style='font-size:11.0pt'> <br>
</span><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>Non-attachment</span><span
style='font-size:11.0pt'> <br>
</span><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>Love without condition</span><span
style='font-size:11.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>All of these qualities of
the Soul are facilitated and brought forth by the practice of:</span><span
style='font-size:11.0pt'> <br>
</span><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>1. Regular
Meditation </span><span style='font-size:11.0pt'> <br>
</span><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>2. Regular Prayer</span><span
style='font-size:11.0pt'> <br>
</span><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>3. Remembering the
Divine</span><span style='font-size:11.0pt'> <br>
</span><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>4. Self-discipline,
i.e. practice being in the present, practice having compassion, being selfless,
tolerant and having equanimity. Practice fearlessness, non-attachment,
and love without condition. Cultivating these positive states of mind
may be considered one of the most effective ways for obtaining the state of
HAPPINESS!</span><span style='font-size:11.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p><b><i><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>RELATIONSHIPS</span></i></b><span
style='font-size:11.0pt'> <br>
</span><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>A relationship
between two people can be a spiritual path, a yoga.</span><span
style='font-size:11.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>It can be a way to grow
in love, light and happiness. It is a difficult path. Some sages say the
“Yoga of Relationships” is the toughest of all because it deals
with the most powerful emotions on the planet. The opportunity
continuously presents itself to fall into negative states of mind which would
be anything less than love. Ones fear of not getting what one wants or
losing what one has is ever present in those not practicing the cultivation
of HAPPY STATES OF MIND.</span><span style='font-size:11.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>The more the mind--ego is
in charge the more one is controlling, has fear and suffers. Through
regular practice of the above (1,2,3, and 4), the soul is gradually put in
charge and the “soul qualities” shine forth. In this state
the individual has put the mind and ego in its proper place as SERVANT to the
soul. The ego as a servant is wonderful. It reminds you to take care of
your physical self and stay out of harm’s way, except in extreme mental
unbalances where a person wants to destroy their physical body. THE EGO IS A
WONDERFUL SERVANT BUT A TERRIBLE MASTER! The mind is a powerful and
wonderful servant. It can plan, balance check books, send a man to the
moon, and more. But put in charge, it can easily destroy ones happiness, and
cause much anguish and suffering. The person regularly cultivating
positive states of mind, using self-discipline to regularly do the above four
steps, uses the ego–mind as a tool. Use the mind to plan a vacation;
great. Then hang it up as you would a drill or any tool after use. When
again needed use it, but always remember to put it away when finished!</span><span
style='font-size:11.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>What has been suggested
in the above writing is very foreign to our cultural and educational
conditioning here in <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">America</st1:place></st1:country-region>,
and in western civilization generally. We can easily see the results of
the mind and ego being in charge. We have enormous environmental and
social problems as a result of this orientation. This mind-based
orientation is threatening to destroy the very environment we depend upon for
our physical existence.</span><span style='font-size:11.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>A relationship can also
be destroyed by the mind-ego being in charge.</span><span style='font-size:
11.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>A relationship can change
when the soul, the spirit, the heart is in charge. It will not be destroyed
by change.</span><span style='font-size:11.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>Control of others comes
from fear, which is a mind-ego quality. Trying to control others is a
waste of time. All one gets from efforts to control another is the anger
and resentment of the other. That, and also the stressing of oneself over the
situation one is attempting to control. Nothing positive is
accomplished.</span><span style='font-size:11.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>Control in a relationship
is a sign of FEAR. FEAR IS THE GREAT ENEMY TO HAPPINESS.</span><span
style='font-size:11.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>In a relationship, it is
important to work on ones self. When anger and frustration or anything less
than love arises in ones feeling toward the other, <b>that is a signal. </b>
It is a signal to look within. At this point it takes courage to face ones
self and be totally honest about what perception or attitude must be change
to be in line with the practice of unconditional love.</span><span
style='font-size:11.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>Play-acting will not do.
Denial will not do. <b>One can only work on ones self. Ultimately,
we must focus on our self and not our partner or another. </b></span><span
style='font-size:11.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>If both partners in a
relationship are practicing 1,2,3,and 4, and working on cultivating positive
states of mind and being in the present, THEY ARE DOING THEIR SPIRITUAL WORK!</span><span
style='font-size:11.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Arial'>(August 9, 2001)</span><span
style='font-size:11.0pt'> </span><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:
Arial'>Reprinted with permission of the author.</span><span style='font-size:
11.0pt'> <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p><span style='font-size:11.0pt'><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p><b style='mso-bidi-font-weight:normal'><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:Arial'>Andrew Saul is the <span class=grame>author of the books <i>FIRE</i></span><i>
YOUR DOCTOR!</i> How <i>to be Independently Healthy </i>(reader reviews at<i>
</i><a href="http://www.doctoryourself.com/review.html">http://www.doctoryourself.com/review.html</a>
) and <i>DOCTOR YOURSELF: Natural Healing that Works.</i> (reviewed at <a
href="http://www.doctoryourself.com/saulbooks.html">http://www.doctoryourself.com/saulbooks.html</a>
) </span><o:p></o:p></b></p>
<p><b style='mso-bidi-font-weight:normal'><span style='font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:Arial'>For ordering information, <a
href="http://www.doctoryourself.com/order.html">Click Here</a></span> .<o:p></o:p></b></p>
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<p><span style='font-family:Arial'> </span></p>
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<p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:7.5pt'>AN IMPORTANT NOTE:
This page is not in any way offered as prescription, diagnosis nor treatment
for any disease, illness, infirmity or physical condition. Any form of
self-treatment or alternative health program necessarily must involve an
individual's acceptance of some risk, and no one should assume
otherwise. Persons needing medical care should obtain it from a
physician. Consult your doctor before making any health decision. </span>
</p>
<p><span style='font-size:7.5pt'>Neither the author nor the webmaster has
authorized the use of their names or the use of any material contained within
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<p class=MsoNormal align=center style='text-align:center'><span
style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial'>| <a
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